For Your Consideration: If You Honestly Want to See The Smurfs Movie, Get Bent!

Dustin — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 02:19:22 +0000

I bet you assholes thought you were going to get away with no post today, huh? ¬†WRONG.

So I saw this trailer earlier and I really don’t know what to say. ¬†I know it was released last week so even if you’ve seen it, please take a moment to refresh your memory-

I can’t believe this is something that’s real, people. ¬†A¬†Smurfs¬†movie. ¬†Smurfs!¬†MOVIE! ¬†How in the hell does such a thing happen? ¬†How socially relevant are the Smurfs at this point? ¬†Yeah, yeah, this coming from the dude that praised The A-Team and professes things unmentionable regarding 13 Going On 30 every god damned week. ¬†But none of that crap makes me feel as exploited as this trailer.

So where to start… ¬†Well someone clearly is already trying to make an “event” out of what was a Saturday morning cartoon. Maybe the fact it originated in such a manner shouldn’t be held against it, but I can’t help put temper my expectations regarding the Smurfs as opposed to something like Transformers. ¬†I mean, one has a bunch of goofy blue dwarves farming and what not and the other has half naked women and machines blowing shit up like crazy. ¬†Farming vs. Fire… Hrmmm, I wonder which one feels more like “an event.” ¬†I know certain assholes love farming. ¬†Most people like that fire shit just fine. ¬†Oh I’m sure director Raja Gosnell will find a way to force a fireball in this Smurfs movie. ¬†But I’m certain it will come off a lot more forced than say ANYTHING MICHAEL BAY HAS EVER DONE.

And I love how Neil Patrick Harris starts off the trailer. ¬†It’s as if what ever douche producer was in charge of marketing was like, “Man, get NPH to say something cool at the start of the trailer so we can win over the people waffling on how many times they’re going to see this movie.” ¬†I’m serious, the fact that they showed Doogie actually made me think for a minute, “This can’t be bad, friggin’ NPH is onboard.” ¬†Then about twenty seconds in I remembered the following equation-

The amount of footage in your teaser trailer + color-themed bullshit propaganda is directly proportional to just how shitty this movie will be.

And then they have the balls to actually tell us it’s going to be in 3D. ¬†I mean seriously, was anyone even thinking for a minute that this garbage wasn’t going to be on Hollywood’s latest bandwagon? ¬†Oh man, that whole Mount Rushmore thing had me thinking this was a joke but now that I know it’s in three-dee it might be legit! I know this was in my title but I’ve had a few drinks and I can’t think of anything better- get bent!

I’ve known about this movie for a while and I didn’t care but then I see some crap like this and I’ll be honest, as if you couldn’t tell, it made me a little angry. ¬†I am all for exploitative cinema but this does nothing but force money to fly out of the masses who grew up watching and loving The Smurfs. ¬†It’s not fan service, it’s complete trash. ¬†That said, am I going to see this? Good lord yes! ¬†If just 59 seconds could purge this much hatred from my fingertips, I can only imagine what 88 minutes of this shit would force me to write.

I’ll see you July 29th, 2011 at the nearest multiplex. ¬†Wearing my 3D glasses.

Trailer: Get Him to the Greek

James — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 18:00:29 +0000

Oh, hey look. A trailer that sells itself without being a redband. Russell Brand reprises his role as Aldous Snow from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. ¬†Check it out and tell us what you think!

Media Breach » Katy Perry

For Your Consideration: If You Honestly Want to See The Smurfs Movie, Get Bent!

Trailer: Get Him to the Greek