I haven’t been following this at all. It sounds fun and all and the trailer seems to confirm that but also adds degree of seriousness I hadn’t expected. At least we know what a cowboy James Bond would look like. Oh and we also know that Olivia Wilde is going to be topless…and that Harrison Ford is settling into the crusty old fart stage of his career rather well. Chickitty check this trailer out. (I’m sorry)

Breachcast Special Edition: Summer 2010 Wrap-Up

Only one entry per email address will be allowed. All duplicate emails will be purged. Shipping will take approximately 5-10 business days and the contest is limited to the contiguous United States of America. Please do not enter unless you can live with both of these requirements. If you happen to know us personally, you can enter, too! If I still haven’t answered all your questions, email me and I’ll see if I can’t straighten you out. For the record, your email data is only used for entry and will not be used for marketing or any other purposes. I will delete the emails after the contest has been won.

I recognize that I’m the only person I know that didn’t like this movie. So I’m willing to consider that it’s my fault and not the movie’s that I didn’t get into it. It’s also important I mention that I didn’t go in as a complete stick-in-the-mud. I’m not a fan of Robert Downey, Jr.’s (excepting of course Kiss Kiss Bang Bang), and so I took my sweet time to see the first Iron Man, but against my expectations, I really liked it. So¬†I was completely expecting to like this one too is my point.

Zack’s Laundry List of Beef:
* The entire movie seems fairly anticlimactic. Iron Tony spends more time in the movie fighting with his friends instead of fighting the baddies.
* Don Cheadle rocks.
* DJ AM does not.
* While I was hoping to get a grizzled, tough-guy World War II veteran Nick Fury, Samuel L. Jackson instead falls back on his old stand-by of acting exactly like Samuel L. Jackson. I love me some Samuel L., but he’s so content acting like himself in every movie, that even though he’s better than Hasselhoff, I can’t help but be a little disappointed in his¬†Fury.
* The jokes didn’t make me laugh, and while¬†I love Paltrow as much as a fan of¬†Shakespeare in Love and¬†The Royal Tenenbaums should, her undeniable sweetness as Pepper Potts didn’t help her deliver the flat script.
* I’ve got no problems with Mickey Rourke as the technologically savage Ivan Vanko except to say that he sure does giggle a lot for an angry, vengeful, murderous super-villain.
* Sam Rockwell … well, Sam Rockwell does absolutely nothing wrong. He’s the man. As Tony’s rival arms dealer, Justin Hammer, he crafts the perfect whimpering pack-dog in the face of Tony’s alpha-male personality – the problem in the performance is all director Jon Favreau’s. Even though Rockwell is given plenty of mini-monologues across from Downey, Jr. and Rourke, Favreau does absolutely nothing with editing or musical score to help him out. All his spotlight scenes end up feeling more like daytime television than blockbuster villainy.
* Scarlett Johansson’s¬†Black Widow was actually not sultry enough for my comic book sensabilities, and her total rip-off of WWF superstar Lita’s Hurricanrana had me laughing more at her big action moment than cheering her on. Ironically, this is the best scene in the whole movie and leaves me wondering how good a movie can be when it relies almost completely on cameos.
* Speaking of unnecessary cameos and my distaste for Jon Favreau – I literally could not stop rolling my eyes every time he took to the screen in his look-at-me-look-at-me cameo as the limo driver. I get that it can be frustrating to be the director of a world-wide box office smash like¬†Iron Man and still be known as “The Short Guy from Swingers,” but no one gets a free pass. And unless you’re Leonard Nimoy or Kenneth Branagh, you’re better served leaving the acting to the actors.

So, it’s a little late in the review for a “First-of-All” but, first of all,¬†I want to make it clear that I’m a huge fan of the Alamo Drafthouse cinema experience.¬†I love what they do for going to the movies, and¬†I love paying to see movies in their establishments. I saw¬†Iron Man 2 at the West Lakes Alamo Drafthouse in San Antonio, and I’ve never seen a better argument for staying home to watch movies as¬†I did in Theater 8.¬†I love going out to see movies. Next to sorting the songs on my mp3 player into new and exciting song lists (like all the song titles that use an ampersand instead of spelling out ‘and’ or all the songs with a clap track) going to a movie theater to be wowed is my favorite thing in the whole world to do. But the Gateway speakers¬†I plug into my Sony give me more of an impact than what they were calling a sound system. Maybe it’s a small thing to devote a whole paragraph to, but when the emotion is building and the french horns are kicking in with the synthe bass, and it sounds more like I’m watching the trailer on my Dell Inspiron 5100, you can’t expect me to get absorbed into the environment the movie was trying to create.

And here’s where I say that this isn’t a bad movie. I chuckled a few times in a very ho-hum way. While Pepper and Tony talking over each other doesn’t reach the artful dialogue you’ll find in Christian Nyby’s 1951 horror/sci-fi maserpiece¬†The Thing¬†From Another World or the more recent Oscar Winner from Robert Altman, Gosford Park, it is fun to see them try their hand at the Benedick/Beatrice routine. All in all, I can’t say I recommend this to fans of the first, as it lives up to neither the original movie nor the multitude of Burger King¬†T.V. spots. On the other hand, I saw a bad review or two myself before I went to see it, and they didn’t stop me, just like I don’t expect to stop any of you. And if you don’t like it, I won’t even say, “I told you so.” Of course, maybe that’s exactly what I just did…

Breachcast XXXVIII

"My robot face gonna eat yer face because I lurve you."

I’m not going to go so far as to say that you’ll love Iron Man 2.¬† I don’t know you.¬† That’s even considering that whoever might be reading this is more than likely a nerd.¬†¬† There are many kinds of nerds out there and some just don’t dig comic books or the movies that are birthed from them.¬† Hey, I can’t fucking stand card games like Magic.¬† See?¬† Different classes of nerds.¬† With most of the reviews from people who get paid to do what I’m doing saying that this movie is “so-so” and folks who have similar tastes to us here at Media Breach saying this is a “smoldering load of goodness you want in your face”, I can understand how one would be conflicted about the actually quality of this film.¬† I’ve let my initial reaction to this movie die down to try and figure out exactly why anybody wouldn’t like this film or flat out not love it and I think I figured out why.

Iron Man 2 suffers a bit from segue-itis.¬† It’s a very real disease that affects many films but mostly those that are sandwiched in between the bookends of a trilogy, especially those concerned with nerd-tastic stories.¬† You feel the symptoms even if you aren’t fully aware of them while you’re watching the movie.¬† Something bigger than the conflict you’re supposed to be emotionally invested in is happening behind the scenes and because of that, the urgency of that film’s conflict is a bit cheapened.¬† Also, in an effort to pump up the immediate danger content, the action of that film is turned up a lot e.g., The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Empire Strikes Back, the soon to be released, Sex in the City 2, the list goes on.

But before you brandish a repulsor ray against me, note that I wrote that Iron Man 2 suffers from segue-itis “a bit”.¬† Quite honestly, while everybody is entitled to their opinion, anybody claiming to out right hate this movie is full of the most fucking-ist fucking shit ever to have been shitted.¬† Just remember, bad press sells, particularly bad press for popular films.¬† This movie is not a horrible movie in any way, shape or form.¬† In fact, it’s pretty great in almost every regard even though it doesn’t offer anything mind blowingly new.

I’m totally not going to summarize the plot of this movie.¬† Mostly because Dustin already did a fine job of doing that with his review but mostly because I’m lazy.¬† Suffice to say, Dustin’s review is pretty spot on with how you will feel the second the credits finish rolling and your geek sense explodes with the secret ending.¬† Go.¬† Read his review for a plot synopsis.¬† I’ll wait…

Great, right?  His reviews make me tingle too.

How Iron Man 2 works on the surface is no secret.¬† Everybody in the theatre was having the time of their lives watching it and it’s for the reason that John Favreau expertly directed the lovely character interactions written by Justin Theroux that were acted to perfection by the entire cast.¬† I’m still kind of in awe of how they pulled that off.¬† Every character from the first film is a richer, more interesting character in this film and the new characters – even Garry Shandling’s small role as Senator Stern – are gold.¬† Of course, Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark / Iron Man and Don Cheadle’s Jim Rhodes / War Machine are further explored but the most surprising breakthrough for me was Gwyneth Paltrow’s Pepper Potts.¬† I completely thought she would be relegated to the role of a nagging side character with no worthy impact on Tony’s life but she has become indispensable to the Iron Man franchise in this movie.¬† They are the cutest couple of all comic book cinema.¬† Yes dammit, I said “cutest” because they are amaze balls adorable.¬† The dialogue between the two character’s feels so real despite the outlandish circumstances that surround them and it’s that kind of care that should’ve been applied to Reed and Sue Richard’s relationship in The Fantastic Four movies.¬† Also, fuck you Tim Story.¬† Okay, not really as I’m sure you’re nice but c’mon, those movies where sub par and you know it.

Yup. So cute, I had to include two pics of them.

Character interactions aside, the point of contention that I think many might have with regard to Iron Man 2 is actually what the movie is all about.¬† Rourke’s Ivan Vanko summarizes the point of the film in his conversation with Stark when he says, “there will be blood in the water and the sharks will come”.¬† Because you read Dustin’s synopsis of the plot, you know that Tony’s riding high on his untouchable wave of Iron Man bad assery.¬† Vanko pretty much says it flat out but to paraphrase: “I’m the first in a long line supervillians that are going to do everything they can to fuck you up, Stark.”¬† And there you go.¬† Vanko and Sam Rockwell’s Justin Hammer are the surf drawing back before the big wave hits.¬† They are going to lose because they have to stand aside for bigger and badder tsunami to come.¬† Sorry for all the nautical metaphors in this paragraph.

But check this out: I didn’t have that thought at the forefront of my brain when I was watching Rourke and Rockwell on the screen.¬† Both characters were too good to be upset about their relative supervillian size in the upcoming Marvel Universe film franchise that was often reminding us of its existence throughout the course of this movie.¬† Those actors’ delicious performances aside, what allowed Ivan Vanko – a hodgepodge of the villains Blacklash and The Crimson Dynamo – and Justin Hammer to be threats was the fact that if you were to combine them into one uber villain, you’d have an evil Tony Stark.¬† Where Vanko captures the engineering brilliance of Stark, Hammer matches his style and ego twisted by unwarranted hubris.¬† In the first film, Jeff Bridge’s Obediah Stane was merely a petty thief of an executive (redundant?) but these guys, Vanko and Hammer, are equal to Stark in every way and a true threat to him by working together.

Just briefly, I’d like to touch on something I personally found gratifying in this movie and that’s Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow.¬† You can take my standard male appreciation of curvaceous women in tight spandex as given; that’s not what I’m going to say.¬† I was more than a little let down when I found out that Emily Blunt wasn’t going to be able to take on this role as she pretty much looked the part but yes, Johansson did nail this role kinda perfectly.¬† Not only that, but if I praise Favreau and Johansson for anything, let it be this: Iron Man 2 has the best non-kung fu movie, girl kicking ass scene I have probably ever had the pleasure of watching.¬† I don’t know what it is – Joss Whedon’s fight scenes stand out the most in my mind as being the most guilty of this – but I have a hard time buying the impact of a lot women’s hand to hand combat in film.¬† The hits never look hard enough for whatever reason or the camera work and fight choreography never seem up to par with their male counterparts.¬† However, Johansson’s ass kicking was definitely one of the better action highlights of the night with the crowd and myself vocally agreeing.

.....Huh? Oh yeah, the review....

So there you go.¬† If I’m forced to say anything negative about Iron Man 2, let it be that some of the character’s choices aren’t very logical in certain scenes but there aren’t glaring omissions of logic that make you want to slap shit out of the screen.¬† Oh and that the final fight is about 20 seconds longer than what would be considered criminally short.

Ultimately, Iron Man 2 is a ridiculously fun movie that does complete justice to the first.¬† You’d had to have had suffered a major tragedy in your life recently to not enjoy it and if that’s case, what the hell are you doing going to see a movie?¬† Wait until you’ve reached the acceptance stage, then see this.¬† It does feel like a bit of a segue because Marvel Films is gearing up for bigger, more comprehensive stories pertaining to the whole of their universe but don’t let that deter you.¬† The story is easily accessible to all manner of viewers from the most die hard comic book nerd to the everyday action movie fan and that’s because we can relate to all of the characters in some way.¬† Go see it now.¬† Approved and recommended.

Mr. Penis, meet Mr. Dirt.

That’s right, haters, I loved it. ¬†Loved, loved, loved, Iron Man 2. As soon as the opening credits started being displayed, I knew it would rule. ¬†This is the kind of summer/sequel/comic book movie I love to see. ¬†There’s mounds of payoff, call backs to the first film (which I had the pleasure of seeing in the theater again just before the midnight screening of IM2), way more laughs than I expected, and just some all around great action littered with fanboy moments. ¬†I know a lot of people said the same thing in May 2008, but the rest of the films releasing this summer are on notice; the bar has been set so good luck.

Getting into the plot of this movie is going to be remarkably difficult and at the same time it’s all but necessary in any critique for this entry in the franchise. ¬†The main plot focuses on Tony Stark/Iron Man’s rival arms dealer, Justin Hammer played with gusto by Sam Rockwell, enlisting the weapon making abilities of ¬†Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke) to take advantage of the absence of Stark Industries recently deceased defense division. ¬†You see, Ivan “has hatchet to bury with Mr. Stark” and Hammer just needs to reassure himself he’s winning the proverbial pissing contest. ¬†At the same time, the plot juggles Iron Man’s involvement with The Avengers Initiative, Tony Stark’s alcoholism, and the US government feeling threatened by the technology Stark is using to “privatize peace.” ¬†A lot of people are going to be turned off by all the plot lines in here but for me, knowing that some of these are going to be continuing into other films from Marvel, I had nerd chub the whole time. ¬†That is to say, everything really worked for me and at no point did I feel the film was unbalanced. ¬†Is the movie perfect? ¬†No, but it’s kind of hard to judge this sort of thing until we see how it all plays out and all the pieces are in place. ¬†Now, I said the same thing about The Matrix Reloaded and ended up with egg on my face but after three solid films within this Marvel universe, I’m ready for more.

A lot of this stuff works simply because of the character relationships involved. ¬†Even new ones we’re introduced to with Hammer and Vanko, you get this deep sense of history between everyone. ¬†Hammer is the easiest example here. ¬†Part of me even felt sorry for the guy as he just so desperately tries to one up Stark scene after scene. ¬†And then a super awkward meeting between Stark and Hammer completely explains everything you need to know- Tony has not time for the guy and Hammer wants nothing more than to be Stark. ¬†Being the cast off fanboy makes for a great adversary because the only motivation for the villain is some bizarre sense of fulfillment that only the hero can grant.

The heart of the film is the relationship between Tony and Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow).¬† I was talking with Adam shortly after I got out of the movie last night and I was pretty surprised by the turn her character takes.¬† I don’t think it’s much of a spoiler to say that she becomes CEO of Stark Industries, which forces her to transition from the paternal/romantic role she has with Tony.¬† I don’t want to go into too much detail other than to say that of all the things that I was expecting, this wasn’t one of them.¬† It’s easy for a character like this to just melt into the background or be worried about the handsome lead.¬† Instead, she gets pissed off and shows some balls and at that same time wins over the audience.

If there’s anything to hate it’s the a fault shared with the first film- the final battle ends a little abruptly and/or feels anticlimactic.¬† I won’t go into details but you’ll know what I mean when you see it.¬† Or you won’t and I’m a tool.¬† The choice is yours!

So I’m going to cut it short because we plan to have some other reviews on the site. I may come back and add to this review later on but my recommendation will remain the same- if you enjoyed the first one and are a big fan of the way the Marvel Universe is shaping up on film, you’ll be seeing this in the next few days.¬† If you’re at all turned off by the first one or anyone involved, you might still like something of this one.¬† I think it’s too premature to say that I like this one more than the first, but as of this moment I do.

[Onion News Network]

There’s an expression that goes a little something like this- ¬†I’d rather drive a nail through my dick than watch (insert terrible movie here) again. ¬†Four Christmases was made to perpetually fill in the blank in that statement. ¬†Now I love my penis. ¬†But if it meant having to watch the last half of this movie, I’d strongly consider the nailing business. ¬†Maybe not, but still that’s how mad I was watching Four Christmases. ¬†And lest any of you think I’m a conniving asshole, hellbent on ridding the world of romantic comedies, please see this, this, and this so you know that I’m a complete pussy when it comes to the genre. ¬†I love it, but this film is just a slap in the face. ¬†And even more of a punch to the sack is the fact that it’s directed by Seth Gordon, who made the brilliant King of Kong documentary.

Four Christmases begins with a perfect, non-married couple planning their holiday get away. ¬†And by get away, they really mean get away! ¬†Oh man, they’re totally leaving their family behind so they can go to Fiji. ¬†Because holiday plans with the family are so awkward, why deal with it right? ¬†Man, can you feel how much you relate to the movie already? ¬†Sorry for being so cynical, but the convoluted set up that forces the characters to spend four separate Christmases (each with their own respective, divorced parental units) is just stupid. ¬†Why not just have this be their typical thing and tell this story because it’s the one time that something different happens. ¬†And instead of preying on your audience’s own uncomfortable nature around family, have the characters do something that’s forces these emotions. ¬†Something instead of babies vomiting shot gun blasts of milk across Reese Witherspoon.

Oh Jesus, that just reminded me. ¬†I’m sorry, but I seriously doubt that holding one or two babies would really change a woman’s mind about having one herself. ¬†The film begins with Witherspoon’s Kate declaring she’ll be baby free. ¬†But about half way through the movie she holds a baby, her entire life shifts, and her ovaries start going to town. ¬†So much so that she breaks up (Spoiler alert, but you really need to hear this) with her boyfriend Brad (Vince Vaughn). ¬†Now I know, you wanted to turn this into a romantic comedy and nothing from that genre is complete until you separate the loved ones and they find themselves back together just in time for the climax. ¬†But it still comes across as really forced. ¬†I guess I’m so angry because there’s a shit load of talent here (Vaughn, Witherspoon, Robert Duvall, Tim McGraw, Jon Favreau, Mary Steenburgen, Dwight Yoakam, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight, and Katy Nixon from Eastbound and Down) in what amounts to a giant paycheck film for everyone involved. ¬†Yes, Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau have some great scenes and of course Robert Duvall rules. ¬†Hell, I might even argue that it’s worth seeing for Vaugh and Favreau alone, as usual. ¬†But I just kept shaking my head at it.

Who knows, perhaps you enjoyed this flick. ¬†But I really don’t recommend anyone subjecting themselves to it. ¬†This is for the people that enjoyed Santa Claus 3. ¬†Not that there’s anything wrong with that but that certainly isn’t me. ¬†I know there’s an audience for this, but I can only hope that someone out there is trying to make the next Christmas Vacation. ¬†It seems like everything that’s come out since that movie hasn’t even come close. ¬†And who can argue with not trying to out do a film that became an instant classic? ¬†Ok, so Bad Santa and Elf do rule. ¬†But we’re really due for another good Christmas comedy. ¬†Your move, Michael Bay.