Update: The trailer I’m referring to in this article is now released.  Doesn’t really have an impact on what I’m attempting to say though.  Read on if you’re bored.

I’m going to keep this extremely simple, short and sweet.

Everyone on planet Earth knows a Batman movie is coming out this summer, WB.  I’m fairly certain undiscovered alien species on planets unknown to us are aware of it as well.  If your new trailer was so amazing you’d just release it when scheduled and let it speak for itself.  But, no, you’d rather toy with every bored internet nerd and have them do free extra legwork for you to promote your movie that doesn’t need a single tiny shred of extra promotion.  We all know The Dark Knight Rises (still a stupid fucking title) is coming out this summer and we’re all going to go see it and gush over Chris Nolan’s gritty, ‘real world’  take on the Batman yet again.

So reign the ego in, please.  Keep the over confidence at bay on this one.  It’s going to do a bazillion dollars and break records no matter what.  You don’t need to require me to login to facebook and repost your campaign to help.  Not even close.   The more I thought about all of this though, I wondered why Warner Bros. didn’t at least get a little edgy or more creative with their campaign.  Fanboys will do whatever the fuck you ask of them.  Why not go for broke and have a laugh at our expense?  You want the new trailer early?  Get 10,000 people to post videos on facebook of them dressed as Batman in a public place trying to actively fight crime.  That’s not edgy at all, it’s just potentially hilarious.  Want to push the envelope a bit?  Require at least 1,000 (lower number yes, but this is more extreme) crazy Batman fans to tweet a video of them rubbing one out to a Chris Nolan headshot while screaming “WHY SO SERIOUS??”  Hell, why not just get Adam West to start showing up at random Chili’s restaurants to seat them with his cock  hanging out?

Hey Warner Bros exec, don’t look at me like that.  Don’t act like any of that wouldn’t grab you a fucking headline.  Crazy fans masturbating to your director shouting overplayed catchphrases to one of your previous Batman flicks?  Nothing but gold there, guy.  Adam West shouting at a table for five to please follow him with his batdong flappin’ in the breeze?  Instant box office millions.   I promised I’d keep this short, didn’t I?  Well I’m keeping it this time.  Enough with the dick rubbing hype, WB.  We get it.  Release your stupid trailer.

btw go see Cabin in the Woods.

We’ve talked about hyperbole a lot in the past but the news coverage on a once Category 3 Hurricane and then an eventual Category Whatever Tropical Snore has illustrated just how influential extreme comments can be. Case in point: I was flying back out of Philly on Friday afternoon. As my takeoff time approached and more news coverage rolled in of my impending doom, I became worried that my flight would be delayed. This could even mean that I would be stuck in Philadelphia for an indefinite period. Which is actually worse than death by hurricane but I digress. When 4:40pm finally rolled around, I sat in seat 15A and saw nothing but clear skies. We took off and landed in Dallas with 45 minutes to spare. This sort of arrival time is phenomenal on a normal travel day but on a Friday when travelers are going home for the weekend and at a time when the entire East Coast has been worked into a frenzy about a giant shit storm that just became self-aware, you’re talking biblical-esque movements through the ‘verse to make your estimated landing.

And why was I worried? Because everyone else was. So why were they worried? Because the news, once a reliable source for information not solely based on ad revenues, told us that the biggest storm ever was heading into the most densely populated part of the country. Headlines from CNN proclaimed that the storm was “targeting” these cities, clearly because hurricanes can be a bit dickish (CNN’s links to these articles are dead now but they were there). And so we keep watching, refreshing, and worrying about these storms. We clear out entire grocery stores for supplies that will go largely unused. We rush to empty gas stations of their petrol in anticipation of a day’s journey away from the coastline. People gave a lot of well deserved shit to that guy predicting the rapture back in May but why isn’t anyone doing the same thing to CNN or The Weather Channel over the frenzy they cause every time a hurricane makes landfall? Oh, because they’re just the news and not some crackpot evangelist asking for money. I see, that’s fair.

Let me tell a story that I’ve recounted to a lot of folks in person but never on this website. I was taking an International Media class in college when one of the teaching assistants told us about his experience being a Gate Keeper at Reuters. He explained that every day he would choose the top five to ten articles that Reuters would showcase and repackage for other news outlets. A student then asked the obvious question- how does one narrow down such a list when millions of newsworthy events are occurring around the world? The answer we were given was that it depended on the mood of the Gate Keeper at the time. More specifically, it depended on the amount of alcohol he had consumed to determine whether the stories would be filled with death and destruction or have a more positive outlook. I barely knew the man telling this story but no matter how outlandish this claim, I can’t help but imagine that it could be true.

American journalism is manufactured to hold your attention as opposed to telling you what you need to know. I barely pay attention to it any longer but when it finds its way into my life involuntarily, it is virtually impossible to ignore. And I get it- I fully understand that these corporations are entertaining you by using the news and that this is how they make a living. But I hope we realize this manipulation is affecting society on a massive scale. I also hope the more aware we are of these influences that we make the move away from labeling these sources as credible. Unless, you know, I have a bunch of bottled water that I need to move quickly.

LIBERTY!

The word is out. Terminator 5 is going to happen. There’s no word yet on whether or not this will be a sequel to McG’s fine mess of a John Connor story (which I happened to enjoy. To hell with all you haters) or¬†another Hollywood reboot. Either way, I’d be willing to check out another terminator story. Even with (or maybe especially with) a naked CG arnold terrorizing any would-be protagonists. But, and it’s a big but, Justin Lin is scheduled to direct. And if that name doesn’t sound familiar, you’re forgiven. He does however have a couple of very high grossing movies under his belt. Which is the good news. The bad news is that they’re The Fast and the Furious sequels 3, 4 and 5. Crushing I know. And it makes it completely possible that by the time this nonsense is actually in theaters, we’ll all be clammoring for the return of McG. Color me terrified.

Mr. Furious

In other news, Henry Cavill’s career could be over before it begins. Which makes no sense. Still, Lee Pace was in the best movie of 2008, but it was directed by the apparently snake-bitten Tarsem Singh, and followed up his incredible performance as Roy Walker in The Fall with turns as bit characters in A Single Man, When in Rome and a starring role in … Marmaduke. Ouch. So while Tarsem’s new movie, Immortals, might be incredible, I can pretty much guarantee that only fans of The Fall (at least 20 of us) and people who want a first look at the next Superman are likely to see this in the theater. Hopefully I’m wrong, but with starring roles under directors Tarsem and Zack Snyder, Henry could already be toast.

Henry Theseus Kent

At least go see Immortals. Pegged for a November release (plenty of time to plan ahead), Immortals is a classic swords and sandals epic based on Greek mythology. “Supes” will be playing the minotaur-slaying hero Theseus who probably has to save the world or something from a power-mad King Hyperion (played by Mickey Rourke). Everyone’s looking for secret super-weapons and when everything hits the fan, expect a shirtless Cavill to start whuppin ass and wooing the foxy Frieda Pinto. I’m really really hoping this delivers exactly what I was promised with the horribly horrible Clash of the Titans remake.

King Mickey

Other Smaller News Bits:

Guy Ritchie is suspected to be in negotiations to direct Xerxes, the sequel to Zack Snyder’s good movie. Which is weird. And I can’t really imagine it. But, I’m doubting it’ll go through, because it just sounds too awesome. Like Darren Aronofsky doing Robocop or Gilly del Toro doing At the Mountains of Madness. Still, it’s fun to dream.

helluva concept

Alice Eve (of She’s Out of My League and Sex and the City 2) has been cast as the daughter of Emma Thompson’s Agent Oh in Men in Black III. Oh, and there’s gonna be a MIIIB. Returning are Will the Thrill, Tommy Lee and a hopefully sober Rip Torn. Joining the cast are Alice Eve, Emma Thompson and Josh Brolin.

And finally, no shit, The Wicker Man (the original) has a sequel.

NOW CHECK THIS OUT!

We kind of all saw this coming, didn’t we? ¬†Alot of industry insiders were already wary about Snyder’s involvement with Superman, and all the whispering about him possibly being canned from the project got even louder when the buzz on Sucker Punch was largely negative. ¬† So really, it’s not a huge surprise, but what would be rather is the fact that he’s already been replaced. ¬†It’s almost as if this had been a done deal for weeks now considering how quickly WB inserted him into the project, but here we are, Tim Story is directing Superman.

You read that correctly. ¬†The mad genius behind the Fantastic Four movies has been given the keys to one of the most coveted franchises out there. ¬†I don’t have a whole lot to go off of here since his body of work isn’t that lengthy, but the man is about as bland as they come. ¬†The FF flicks were a waste of time and an insult to one of the greatest comic books ever. ¬† Word has it, the cast of Superman is also in trouble. ¬†Henry Cavill ¬†will most likely be let go and not be Supes. ¬†I haven’t heard anything just yet on our favorite little white trash ginger, Amy Adams. ¬†Anyone other than her is an improvement really. ¬† Don’t quote me on this, but some people are already pegging Jason Biggs as Supes. ¬†Again, don’t quote me on that but there are alot of people throwing that around as a definite possibility because he happens to be Story’s boyfriend.

I’ll keep you guys posted on developments to the story and cross your fingers that none of this shit actually happens and it just languishes in development hell once again. ¬†Don’t count on that though.

“We really thought the Special Editions of the original trilogy would satiate my need for continuity with the prequel trilogy.¬† Turns out, I’m an asshole.”

- George Lucas on why the original Star Wars Trilogy is being remade.

I was sitting around the other day doing nothing.  Maybe I was watching 13 Going On 30.  Fine, I totally was.  But then the phone rang and it was none other than George Lucas.  He was already speaking mid-sentence about how the constant retooling he had performed on the negative for Episode IV had made the 3D conversion impossible.  In a fit of rage, Lucas burned all of his prints available, put a hole through the wall with his face, and dusted off his original scripts.

And then he said it, “We’re remaking the original trilogy, so fuck off!”

George continued to let me into his little world.  He explained how all of the principal cast was forced into this remake due to a back door clause they signed all those years ago. So even though Mark Hamill can only talk in his Joker voice and Alec Guiness kicked the bucket, all of the original players are returning.  The exception here is Harrison Ford, whose completely benign take on what should have been a historic role damn near ruined the movie for everyone.  Apparently Ford was so obsessed with his Han Solo shooting Greedo first and then punching Chewbacca in the face that no other scenes could be shot until Lucas let him out of his contract.  Ford settled for being stuck in two more movies and life went on.

I was told that none other than Shia LeBeouf will be performing the motion capture for Han Solo and then be digitally replaced with Clu from Tron: Legacy.¬† When Georgie told me this, what was once called a zipper flew off my trousers and struck my mom in the face.¬† I thought it couldn’t get any better but then Lucas told me that Buddy Hacket would be voicing everyone’s favorite captain of the Millenium Falcon.

Now I know what you’re saying because it was my next question- why don’t you just digitally replace Han Solo with this wonderment of CGI mastery rather than remake the entire original trilogy?¬† Lucas laughed and threatened to poison my whole family.¬† After what sounded like a few minutes of convulsions, he regained consciousness and simply stated that Han Solo had been digital since the Bespin scenes in Empire Strikes Back but they had to make him look like that old tired buzzard to not confuse folks.¬† Sold.

And then the line went dead.¬† I wish I had more for you but I hope you’re excited as I am.¬† Oh he did say two more syllables-

3D

The first trailer for Matthew Vaughn’s X-Men First Class is now on the web. ¬†If you’d like to skip the snark, scroll on down below and hit the embed up. ¬†I don’t think this teaser is bad necessarily, not even close. ¬†It’s worse. ¬†A bad trailer will make me feel something at least. ¬†This, however, did nothing. ¬† Of course my ass will still be in the seat because I still would like to see the final product of Matthew Vaughn’s retro-mutant entry into the franchise. ¬†The guy earned enough cred with me for Kick-Ass and the crminially underrated Stardust, so I have to give this a shot. ¬†Also, this has January Jones in it. ¬† Boobs.

Click the embed below!

Colin Farrell Confirmed for ‘Total Recall’ Remake | /Film.

Speaking to Collider, Neal Moritz said “We’re doing [Total Recall] with Colin Farrell,” and that the film will shoot beginning May 15. Oh, and it won’t be in 3D, which makes it stand out from many other tentpoles going into production now.

He called it a big film, bigger in scope than his recent productions Green Hornet and Battle: Los Angeles, though he says the story hews closer to the Philip K Dick source story We Can Remember it For You Wholesale. In particular, the film won’t see the action going into space.

Finally, he enthused about the film,

I think the world that Len Wiseman is creating is incredible. It’s a real world, a real future world, where the cities have just gotten so overcrowded that the cities are just built up, up, up, up. It’s just everything I see on the movie, every pre-vis I see on the movie, every conceptual drawing on this movie that I see just makes me more and more excited. We’re playing it like a real world, but there’s all these technological advancements to the real world, and it’s just really, it’s cool. It’s an awesome movie. I’m dying—as a fan of movies, more than anything, it’s a movie that I’m just dying to see.

Seems that Gareth Edwards, director of the festival favorite Monsters, is about to sign a deal that would put him in the chair for a brand-new Godzilla; resurrection. According to THR, they’ve been working from a Dave Callaham screenplay, but now they’re open to reading some new drafts.

via ‘Monsters’ Director Gareth Edwards Has Captured ‘Godzilla’! – The Moviefone Blog.

I Read this on Cinematical and thought it was pretty darn funny. The quote actually comes from Scott Feinberg during a post screening Q/A.

One funny note: when the end credits were rolling, I noticed a job described as “Mr. Damon’s abs double” — even though Mr. Damon’s abs are never seen in the film — that was attributed to one “Buster Coen.” Towards the end of the evening, I asked Damon what that was all about, and he laughingly told me that Ethan’s 15-year-old son Buster had served as an assistant to the script supervisor on the set during the making of the film, but had indicated that he wanted a more important-sounding credit than that, and had apparently requested that one!

via Buster Coen | ScottFeinberg.com.

Very sad to hear this,¬†had to repost. He’s one of my favorite actors that people may not¬†know.

Actor Pete Postlethwaite has died at the age of 64, according to reports.

Longtime friend Andrew Richardson was¬†quoted Monday by Britain’s Press Association as saying that
Postlethwaite died in hospital in Shropshire, central England.

Richardson said Postlethwaite died Sunday. He had been receiving treatment for cancer.

The actor, who recently appeared in “Inception”, worked¬†with director Steven Spielberg on “The Lost World: Jurassic Park”
and “Amistad.” He received the Order of the British Empire in¬†2004.

Postlethwaite was nominated for an Oscar¬†for his role in “The Name of the Father”.

He was¬†also appeared in the 1994 film “The Usual Suspects.”

Oscar-nominated actor Pete Postlethwaite dies РCelebrities.