I like to think I provide  a service to the Breach faithful.  I like to think that.  Do I actually believe that?  No, not really.  I mean, most of the garbage I decide to dive into you folks wouldn’t even get close enough to sniff.  Still, I feel weirdly compelled to continue on and carry the torch on the quest to review the ‘bad movie’.  Whether you appreciate this or not, I’m still doing it for you.  I don’t get paid, I don’t get any joy or fulfillment out of this.  I’m not kidding, I get absolutely nothing from what I write here.  Often times it is downright painful to see what I am seeing.  There have been occasions where I’ve scrapped entire reviews and retreated completely into my dark place that you’ll never get to read.  No.  This column is solely dedicated to whomever decides to stumble across this website and deems my work worthy enough to read.  And I thank you.  You sick fuck.

Look, Bucky Larson Born to Be a Star is an easy enough target.  This movie is much maligned and has already been shredded a thousand times over by so many other critics.  I’m surprised even with Sandler’s Happy Madison production company at the helm that it even got a theatrical release.  Nick Swardson (Bucky) is the complete opposite of what you look for in a leading man and the script was probably written on and read from the Devil’s taint.   Swardson on his own is a terrible comedian.  He exhibits nothing that I find funny nor would anyone else with even the tiniest bit of a human brain.  He’s the number one reason I avoid mainstream comics.  There are so many like him, I’m afraid to take a chance anymore.  Why in the fucking world was this movie made?  Well, I know exactly why and I’m going to tell you.

The Sandler company dubbed ‘Happy Madison’ productions are just a bunch of fratboys who may or may not have been in an actual frat.  The movies this collection of toe jam produce are nothing more than a series of inside jokes and small bits that each of them can laugh at and I’m sure are based on whatever hijinks they get  into on their own.  This movie is no different.  I’m convinced these movies are not made for a profit, they’re just a way for these assholes to collect what they think is funny and show it to each other.  The real problem lies in the fact that they seek distribution.  Go shoot your gag reels guys, but please leave the public out of it.  This movie never needed to be released.  And how they got Christina Ricci (yes she is in this) involved, I don’t know.  I don’t know what dirt the Sandler crew has on that poor girl, but it has to be significant.  I’m sure her penance wasn’t just an appearance in this movie either.  The darker parts of me tell me she was perhaps the Happy Madison Cum Cup.  That sweet little Wednesday Addams  was violated by a group of hack comedians, yes.  I’m calling it.

Alright so what the fuck is this movie already you ask?  Well it’s Bucky Larson!  Bucky is a quaint little Midwestern boy from Iowa.  You know the type.  He’s got an annoying as all motherfuck Midwest accent (which he can’t understand is an accent) and is about as wholesome as an episode of Sesame Street.  Minus the 80s breastfeeding.  The movie opens with Bucky getting fired from his job as a grocery sacker, and quickly moves on to his friends trying to cheer him up with a pornographic movie.  See, ‘lil Bucky has never seen porn before, nor has he ever decided to play with his bits.  His friends cheering him on and instructing him on how exactly to do this is actually really fucking insanely gross by the way.   But Bucky is that stupid of a character.  He thinks it’s normal for his buds to tell him how to manipulate his junk in order to facilitate fun time.  Problem is, the porno they  happen to dig up to show him features Bucky’s parents.  Any normal child would reject this completely and probably go into a coma, but not Bucky.  Bucky is convinced that because his parents made just shy of a hundred fuck vids that he’s destined to head to L.A. and make some of his own.

This is where I suppose the movie would ‘take off’ if it were an actual movie and not something written on a cocktail napkin by the head of Adam Sandler’s penis.  So Bucky hops on the bus to L.A. with a dream to be not only in porn, but a porn STAR!  Of course his first few days in town he meets several pivotal characters.  One being Christina Ricci.  I don’t remember her name from the flick, I think it was Becky, or Roberta or Cockswallower.  Who cares?  He meets her in a diner she’s waitressing at and of course they hit it off.  Eventually she aids him in rooming with a completely insane Kevin Nealon who has fallen so far since his Weekend Update gig it’s not even remotely funny.

After a botched commercial audition (which of course he thinks is a porn gig) he ends up at a party of who’s who in porn.  The top dog being a well-hung man named Dick Shadow played by HOLY FUCK STEPHEN DORFF!  This is what, his 3^rd appearance now in the Crawl Space?  Deuces Wild, Fear.com and now this??  He’s like a Crawl Space legend at this point.  You know the saying, “the man can’t act his way out of a paperbag”?  Well the Dorff doesn’t even know what a paper bag IS, motherfuckers!  After observing Dorff again, I realized something.  He’s the poor man’s (if there is such a thing) 80s Christian Slater, who is also another Crawl Space alum.  The two of them deserve to work together in the worst buddy cop movie ever made.  I hope this happens.

Alright so Bucky gets discovered by this sleazy washed-up porn director who gives him a shot because he knew his parents.  Turns out, Bucky — big surprise— has the smallest cock ever seen.  This is something I was able to identify with, by the way.  Sleazy director played by the always brilliant Don Johnson, decides to shoot anyway and they discover Bucky’s real talent.  Not only is his junk miniscule, but he’s so sexually deprived that upon viewing a pair of breasts still trapped within a bra, he delivers a violent cumshot that A) no one knows where it went and B) is frighteningly delivered by Bucky imitating a tortured chimp.

Of course, Bucky’s shtick takes off as sort of the everyman in porn.  His dick is so small and he’s so sexually inept that  he becomes somewhat of an inspiration to all of us inadequate members of society.  He sweeps the adult film awards, even winning best taint.  I’ve never seen Nick Swardson’s taint, but I’m rather certain others would’ve rightfully won this.  When you look at the man without clothes it’s like looking into Satan’s bleached asshole.  Along the way, blah blah blah he ends up with Christina Ricci’s character, what was her name?  Fantasia?  I don’t know.

This movie repeatedly made me ask myself, is it worth it?  Is this worth reviving a column no one reads?  My ego barked out a resounding yes, while the other parts of me gave a quiet whispering of ‘dude wtf are you doing?  Just let it go’.  I believe that you all needed to know about this.  Because at the end of the day, no matter what is happening, someone may stumble upon this movie.  This is your warning.  Watch this movie with extreme caution, or please, don’t watch it at all.

10) Rango

Rango is the only animated film I feel worthy of this list.  Some will crucify me for not indicating Tin-Tin as “worthy” but that felt much more like a franchise starting out rather than a fully fleshed out story.  Not to mention, Rango is one of the most bizarre movies I saw this year animated or otherwise.  I haven’t revisited the movie since opening night last March but I recall enjoying it very much.  It was very funny, had some very original characters, and even had a great action sequence.  Cartoons, as they were, come with a certain connotation but this is a very adult film.  I recommend checking it out if you get the chance.

9) Attack The Block

What has two thumbs and regrets not seeing Attack the Block at SXSW this year? What a blast this movie is.  If you’ve ever want to revisit some John Carpenter style action/horror, this is the movie you’ve been waiting for.  Great effects, awesome characters and monster, and a killer soundtrack add up to one of the most under appreciated (or over appreciated depending who you follow on Twitter) movies of the year.  I still haven’t bought the BluRay because I don’t spend $25 on a single disc ever but it’s in my cart on Amazon in anticipation of a price drop.

8) Bridesmaids

Everyone praises this one for how it treats its female characters but it was how the male lead was portrayed that made me like Bridesmaids so much.  Here was a character, played brilliantly by Chris O’ Dowd, that eschewed male lead conventions in female centric rom-coms.  I especially liked that he didn’t just fall madly in love with Kristen Wiig’s character nor forgive her in some happy-go-lucky resolution.  Oh, and did I mention this movie is extremely funny?  I don’t usually look forward to girl farts but what a pay off.

7) Insidious

This is probably the most unpopular choice I’ll make on this list, at least outside of the Breach.  Insidious just worked for me.  I dug the ghost stuff immensely and when they got to the astral projection portion, which I somehow had never heard of, I was floored.  Great scares, creepy atmosphere, and stalkery ghosts.  I couldn’t have asked for more.

6) Warrior

The trailers for Warrior turned me off.  Any time they start throwing critical reactions into the first TV Spots I see my BS detector goes off.  Something told me I would enjoy it, but I just didn’t want to bother.  Then Adam recommended it on The Breachcast a few weeks back and I was intrigued.  Then it went on sale so I blind bought the Blu.  Considering how predictable this movie is, I am shocked at how well it works.  It was great to see a boxing movie (I know it’s not boxing but come on) where two characters have stakes in winning and we are privy to both their lives.  Too many times we see movies where some faceless opponent is thrown at us to inherently hate.  This movie changes that.  Oh, and Tom Hardy is devastating to watch.

5) Real Steel

Shockingly, Real Steel is here at number 5.  The trailers looked like crap.  The concept was just a little too high for my taste.  And then there was Hugh Jackman trying to play a father.  It had all the makings of a disaster and somehow destroyed me in the movie theater.  Reduced to tears during the climactic boxing match, I can’t help but recommend this flick for folks.  It hits DVD/Blu in late January.

4) 50/50

Again with the emotions.  There are personal reasons why 50/50 resonates so well with me but even beyond that, the performances of the two leads are worth your time.  This film , other than focusing on how someone copes with cancer, is a great modern take on fellowship between dudes.  I have had some of the conversations Seth Rogen and Joseph Gordon-Levitt have in this movie.  I have guarded my emotions from my buddies just as they did.  The whole thing feels very authentic and sweet.  I’m a sucker for stuff like this but recommend you at least check it out once.

3) How to Die in Oregon

For what it’s worth, if there’s one movie on this list that I think everyone absolutely has to see it is How to Die in Oregon.  This is probably my favorite documentary since being shown The Thin Blue Line in school.  That said, I may never see this movie again simply because of how eye opening and challenging it was.  Not often do I walk into a movie and have a fundamental belief in my life altered but I came out of this one a different person.  That’s not hyperbole; it’s just the truth of what happened.  The film deals with terminally ill patients that would rather take their life than waste away and burden their families.  I said it when I reviewed the movie at SXSW that I could never take the measures outlined in the film but after seeing it, I can understand why they exist and why someone would want to.

2) Rise of the Planet of the Apes

How?  How?!?  How in the blue moon was Rise of the Planet of the Apes good?  Not only was it good, it made me forget I was watching a movie which is really the highest compliment you can pay a film.  A lot of folks balked at the idea of CGI apes, myself included.  But once you sit through the movie you’ll realize there was no other way to make it.  The interaction between the apes and actors necessitated that motion capture be used.  And even though not all of the effects are convincing, I was so wrapped up in the movie it didn’t matter.  I just picked up the BluRay this week and can’t wait to revisit this one.

1) Drive

More than any other movie this year, Drive has stuck with me.  At times beautiful and at others grotesque, it is an art film that appealed to me in a way that quite frankly I was not expecting.  Immediately following the showing, I downloaded the soundtrack and have been listening to it since (it’s playing right now in fact).  There’s action, romance, comedy, and thrills on top of characters that have full histories and relationships.  If every movie were as good as Drive I’d have a hard time making this list.  As it is, not all movies can be this good so my number one pick was pretty easy to make.

Honorable mention- X-Men: First Class, Fast Five, Paranormal Activity 3, The Ides of March, Win-Win, Tabloid, Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop, The Innkeepers, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

And while that rounds out my favorites of the year, here are my 5 biggest disappointments-

5) Transformers: Dark of the Moon

This was supposed to be the movie where I could look James in the eye and say “see!  Bay can be turned loose to be filmmaking god!”  Instead, it was the same old song and dance.  Just this time it was in 3D.  From an A/V demo perspective, the movie still shines but from an enjoyment/quality stance, this was garbage.

4) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

After the setup in Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (not to mention SIX OTHER MOVIES), I was hoping for something a little more epic than twenty year-olds playing folks in their thirties for a goofy and absolutely superfluous epilogue.  I may be alone in this disappointment and admit that I should watch the flick again but I stand by my initial reaction.

3) Green Lantern

This is probably the one movie on my disappointment list that I actually enjoyed.  But given the seasaw fashion in which I hated then loved Green Lantern’smarketing, I can’t help put be somewhat disappointed.  There is certainly a lot of promise left for a potential sequel but as it was, this movie relied too heavily upon the basic super hero formula and had a completely crap-tastic soundtrack.  Again, I’m hopeful for a sequel but this movie was kind of a mess.

2) Cowboys and Aliens

Let’s see, you have talented actors (Daniel Craig, Han Solo, Sam Rockwell, That one dude), talented filmmakers (Ron Howard, Brian Grazer, Jon Favreau), and a genre mashing concept but the movie turns out to be a complete bore.  Oh! You must be number two on my list of 2011 disappointments.  Cowboys and Aliensis not necessarily a bad movie.  It may even be worth of two out of four stars but that’s just it- it’s OK when it could have been something spectacular.  If you need a nap on a Saturday afternoon, put this on.  Otherwise- PASS.

1) Super 8

We talked last week on the Breachcast about those times where you feel like the only person that criticizes something.  I know there are critics out there that didn’t like this movie but in my circle of friends I think I’m the only one who was really disappointed.  Other than having arguably one of the best scores in recent memory, Super 8 was a colossal waste.  I wanted to like it but in the end, even Coach Taylor wasn’t enough for me to believe.  The last twenty minutes of the film feel like a complete U-Turn on the rest of the narrative.  And when compared to something similar this year, Attach The Block, it’s obvious this movie is just hoping the pure nostalgia factor will engage you.  I tried but cannot give a soft pass to what is truly one of the more squandered opportunities in recent memory.  This was easily my biggest disappointment of the year.

Dishonorable mention- Sucker Punch, Hangover Part II, Scream 4

There’s a large, gaping hole left in a weird, over looked film genre, I think. I’m not even sure it could be referred to as an official “genre;” I just feel as though I haven’t seen a movie like Ghostbusters in a long time.  I’m talking about a movie that takes a generally scary topic, ghosts in that instance, and injects humor, irreverence, distinct visual style and still manages to keep a palpable degree of horror at the surface of it all. An American Werewolf in London is in the same ball park but they’re playing cricket instead of baseball…which doesn’t really work for my irreverence arguement as cricket is just silly. Hell, I think that even Ivan Reitman might’ve been so taken aback by what he, Harold Ramis and Dan Akroyd made that they just had to copy it in the form of Ghostbusters 2 because they didn’t know where to go after the first one. I’ll begrudginly acknowledge Evolution but only because David Duchonvy keeps his “I can wear James like a puppet whenever I want” award in his pocket at all times, I’m sure.

Set in Norway, the found footage / mockumentary-styled film known as Trollhunter has us following 3 film students from the university of [insert Scandavian word] as they investigate the bear poaching stories that have been all the rage as of late. They narrow down their search to one, grizzly-looking mofo by the name of Hans (Otto Jespersen) and proceed to pester the shit out of him until they can get an interview. After tailing this dude, making note of his odd behaviors (throwing tires all over the gorgeous, Scandavian countryside, for instance) they finally get the balls to follow him into the woods in the middle of the night where they experience the terror of their first troll.  And it’s from here on out and through these kids that we get shoved into the secret world of troll hunting.

Trollhunter might be a good contender for being this generation’s Ghostbusters. It does so many things right that I don’t even know where to begin. If this turns out to be an incoherent mess of circlejerkery, then yeah, it’s like all my other reviews but I promise to use complete sentences this time. I’m still making up words like “circlejerkery” though.

Considering that a good portion Scandinavians unashamedly profess their belief that trolls are in fact, very real things that affect their day to day lives in all manner of ways, it comes as no surprise that this movie keeps its mythology deliciously tight. There are different troll species and you will learn about them, why they act the way they do, why they look the way they do, what kills them AND the fun as fuck pseudoscience behind it. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll have your hands proping your head up with a big, dumb grin on your face whenever one of these exposition-loaded scenes pop up. I immediately went back to my childhood and wanted Ray Stanz to go over other entries in ghostly nomenclature other than that “class 5, full roaming vapor” blurb during these scenes in Trollhunter. That grounded sensation of being part of a world that has a distinct set of rules, even if those rules are grounded in structured insanity, feels so good here.

Monster design can be sorted into the “feel good” folder here too.  They all walk the fine line of goofy-looking and horrifying quite well, betraying an oafishness when they think nobody is looking and violent psychosis when on the trail of would be victims.

The sensation of immediate danger provided by such comedic looking predators is helped by some fine quality found footage camera work and par to great acting.  Tense scenes lose nothing in translation, fear is universal, though I’m sure I missed a few subtle comedic cues here there.  That’s not a problem with the Hans, fortunately.  Things have chewed on this guy quite literally, making him grizzled but never over the top.  Most of the comedy will come out his “and not a single fuck was given” attitude against a screaming hoard of trolls. And because the story provides its own logical reasoning behind said work – film students shot this – all you found footage haters can set up a perfect Scorsese-esque shot of you kissing my ass; this narrative style of shooting works in many cases and Trollhunter proves that.  But really, it’s okay if you don’t like it.

...even I don't like everything.

Overlooking the obvious things not helping American audiences not embrace this like the found footage style of shooting and being in a foreign language, Trollhunter doesn’t have a lot working against it.  The dry humor may be a bit to dry for some – a kink in the armor of my Ghostbusters comparison-a-thon and sometimes the pacing will have folks who need it go and refill their Adderall prescriptions.  But if you sit there and argue against the humor behind Norway’s surplus of gravel, I don’t want to know you.  Approved and recommended.

This is a flick where everything good about movies comes together in a wonderful, though just shy of sublime, kind of way.  Steve Carell brings his signature awkward warmth to create Cal Weaver – poster child for the modern, dispassionate gentleman perfectly at ease with wearing New Balance sneakers with a pair of khakis (I’m no clothes horse but I shuddered when I first saw this on screen) and a shirt and tie.  He’s the kind of guy just waiting for midlife crisis to hit him but his wife has one hit her first.  Julianne Moore as Emily Weaver could have easily been written as somebody to hate and a lesser actress could’ve let the role down as written.  Luckily Moore instills a need to identify with a character who, along with her spouse though he doesn’t know it, lost herself somewhere in the middle of all the day to day drudgery professional and parental life affords.  There’s spoilery reasons as to why that hits them a bit harder than most so you’ll just have to trust me when I say it’s not for shallow bullshit reasons that Emily slips up.

The way Jacob Palmer finds himself mixed up with Cal is at first, a bit unbelievable.  The manner in which Jacob offers his services is seemingly too altruistic a move for the character; meeting what Ryan Gosling made when he first hits on Emma Stone’s Hannah, the dude just seems like a sleaze that’s probably riddled with crabs who have syphilis.  Yet despite that, you accept Jacob approaching this schlub of a wrecked man and wanting to help him because Jacob never actually does anything could be construed as mean spirited.  Sure, he’s a womanizer but he’s respectful and though he’ll badger a girl until she walks away, he knows to let her walk away…which only happens once in the movie.

There are two things that keep this movie from falling into the pit of rom-com Heigel Hell.  Actually, make that three things.  Obviously the first is that Katherine Heigel is nowhere to be seen.  Secondly, touching on the topic of talent again – the three leads all brought their A game obviously – the supporting cast includes performances that feel at home in both dramatic and comedic fashions.  Notables are Marissa Tomei who plays a less pathetic and funnier version of the character she played in What Women Want.  Emma Stone continues to balance adorably hot with spot on physical and verbal comedic timing in a way that should only be allowed in men’s daydreams.  I really don’t know how she does it.

Oh wait, now I get it.

The Bacon known as Kevin makes an appearance as somebody you should hate but never really do but probably the biggest props to secondary roles go to Analeigh Tipton and Jonah Bobo.  The baby sitter, Jessica Riley and the son, Robbie Weaver, respectively put on some great performances.  Even though Tipton’s resume is a bit green, she does awkward, lovelorn teenager quite well.  Bobo’s a child actor and the rough edges show – a lot of his performance doesn’t feel quite natural – still, there’s something undeniably charming about the kid that assures he’ll improve his craft.

The third thing is that plot stays interesting.  You can phone in most Hollywood love stories and it’s true that this has its share of those moments but those moments are saved by the actors performances every time.  Clever plot points pop up just when you need something a little extra to keep the movie from losing its audience.

The only notable kink in the movie is that even though there some truly clever moments in plot development, there are some very awkward set pieces that pulled me out of the movie.  The last scene in particular was just so damn silly that I wanted it to go away.  It was like a kid who just discovered his sense of “humor” and wants to impress your friends with it, that kind of awkward; just lock it in a room until it settles down.  And on a whole, the dialogue is top notch but there are some tired pieces of word candy getting spurt out every so often as to remind us that yeah, this is still a Hollywood love story.

I can forgive all those little nitpicks because Crazy, Stupid, Love manages to be likable while  humorously looking at problems that anybody long term relationship can understand.  Sometimes good things just get broken if you don’t keep up with the maintenance schedule.  There aren’t bad guys in situations like that, just people in a shitty situation and this movie understood that.  So, yeah, definitely see this if you had been wanting to see this or need a date night movie.  You could probably wait until it came out on Netflix otherwise but as it stands, approved and recommended.

written, directed, edited by Mike Cahill

so i went into this movie in my absolute favorite way – i’d read the premise in TOTAL FILM a while back, and then heard nothing else about it until the day before it released. which isn’t my favorite – this isn’t a treatise on film promotion or advertising or anything – i love me some summer blockbuster hype – what was my favorite was that i LIKED the premise, and not knowing ANYthing else. coulda been foreign or american, coulda been sci-fi or horror (or neither), coulda been anything is the point. i’m a blank slate going in and (oh hang on, TOTAL RECALL just started on syfy and i wanna see when arnold’s face shield cracks … done. awesome) i’ve got no snobby preconceptions about the actors or director or whatever. turns out not MUCH of that would matter, ’cause the only “known” actor in the flick is william mapother. yep, THAT william mapother. which isn’t a dig. the guy’s a good actor, but when your most memorable credits on your resume are “clubgoer” and “hotel clerk,” it can be hard to break out of tv acting. mapother also starred in the 2008 horror flick THE BURROWERS (also starring clancy brown and the uber-creepy doug hutchison (doug hutchison is the weirdo who plays eugene tooms in the X-FILES episodes “tooms” and “sqeeze.” gross i know, and of course percy wetmore in GREEN MILE and some bit part in CON AIR. whatevs) – of course, more recently ol’ dougie was in the news ’cause he’s gettin it on with 16-year-old (currently 17-year-old) courtney stodden (she’s a singer? or something?) – parental consent is a godsend. he claims they were brought together by a “higher power.” and maybe they were. maybe god wants him to be with this girl and i’m just a jerk. who can say?), which is a criminally underrated movie and more than worth a viewing.

god is responsible for SOME of it i guess

so what i read in TOTAL FILM basically boiled down to: the people on earth discover there’s another earth. what would you give to start over?

vague. at best. but it sounded cool, and i’m really hoping for some great sci-fi in 2011. this year will go down as the year of the pretty-good-superhero-movie, but with duncan jones’ SOURCE CODE, pedro almodovar’s forthcoming THE SKIN I LIVE IN, and THE PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES, 2011 probably SHOULD go down as a sci-fi revival. now add to the mix ANOTHER EARTH. and if all you need to get you in the theater is the premise, i’d warn you to not read too far ahead.

first off, be warned that this isn’t indie sci-fi like MOON or DISTRICT 9 or even PRIMER or CUBE. it’s more like CONTACT without all the money. this is a story about the people and not the aliens. it’s all about life on earth. so if you need the big payoff – if you need wil smith punching aliens in the face (which might’ve made this movie even better), i feel you – i know where you’re coming from. and i wouldn’t blame you for skipping this one.

Brit Marling as Rhoda Williams

so picture rhoda. here, i’ll do it for you. rhoda (brit marling (also credited as this film’s co-writer) directed the 2004 documentary BOXERS AND BALLERINAS – she also had a guest spot in an episode of COMMUNITY. which i guess i missed. ’cause trust me, this girl ain’t goin nowhere. she’s got the skills, and (aside from a subtly creepy resemblence to michael cera when she smiles) has superstar good looks) is 17 and has just been accepted to MIT. she’s into astronomy, and she’s brilliant. and on a drive home from a celebratory party, she hears on the radio the silky smooth voice of dj flava (appearing as himself in the film) on the radio saying that scientists have annouced they have discovered another planet in our solar system. it’s headed our way, and it appears to be an exact duplicate of the planet earth. the continents are shaped the same, the oceans, the everything. and if you look up in the night sky right now, you can see it – a pale blue dot against the darkness. rhoda looks up and bring on the plot device! cut to a family in a car. a man named john. john’s pregnant wife. john’s little boy. we get just enough of their happy interaction to see that they’re as close to perfect as northeast american families can get before the car crash we all know is going to happen happens. we get a few seconds of aftermath, the father is alive, the others aren’t, sirens, a few quick cuts of prison and then a blackout and FOUR YEARS LATER.

and then, of course, there are the nitpicky sciencey problems. aside from fate and religion and all that which would be an incomprehensible nightmare (which the film doesn’t explore, ’cause it doesn’t NEED to, ’cause none of the characters are so inclined), it does stick out a bit that we’ve never SEEN this planet before. and viking never saw it and voyager and on and on. but that’s ok – there’s a running dialogue throughout the film played through television interviews with an “expert” and he gives us some story about planetary opposition and maybe it was on the opposite side of the sun and ok, sure that sounds real enough. of course, if their orbit sped up so that now we’re seeing each other, wouldn’t that have dire consequences for earth 2? not to mention that the earth isn’t THAT big. big picture speaking. i mean, what’s a few septillion kilograms between friends? but if it’s really getting close enough so that you can see continents, well hell, wouldn’t most of the planet be swallowed up by tidal waves? eh. foo on all that. like a few people told me in 2010, if you’re going to get caught up on all the plotholes, you could hate EVERY movie.

fatty

and four years later, rhoda is out, back living at home, and dealing with life as a felon. she gets a job that allows her to not use her brain and spends most of her time thinking about how sorry she is. toss into the mix that a supercool billionaire richard-branson-type is offering seats on a rocket to VISIT earth 2, and all you have to do is submit your essay on why it should be YOU. all this is where the movie lives. if you’re going to have an indie movie success, you either need an AWEsome script, a SUPERcool idea, or a GREAT actor. ANOTHER EARTH‘s script ain’t bad, but it’s not awesome, and the idea is old sci-fi hat, but dammit if brit marling doesn’t save the day. the characters around her (mother, father, brother) are fair and feel real. the only beef i have with the characters is rhoda’s boss. he’s an aging indian (INDIA indian) and provides her with a line or 2 of hindi wisdom, and instead of really being developed and giving us a kind of foil for rhoda, he’s relegated to plot device, and doesn’t have the impact he should.

msrp: 1 indie movie

i’m not a filmmaker. i’ve never written a screenplay or even been on the set of a filming movie. but because i have a computer, i’ll start doling out advice! to all indie filmmakers: spend the money on a composer. i figure if you’re making a movie this small ($200K budget is cheaper than a benz), odds are you’re not only writing and directing and editing but also drawing the posters, sewing the wardrobe and getting your own coffee. so what if your budget is small – build your set out of unpainted cardboard boxes – you must GET GOOD MUSIC. this is an indie flick, but there is no faux-home-spun guitary forgetfulness – the music is done by FALL ON YOUR SWORD (and they have a piano!), and it’s not bad, but if it were good, it would be a must see. watch A LIFE LESS ORDINARY again. it’s one of my favorites, and it’s silly, and if the music were so-so, that’s all it would be. but song selection can make all the difference.

let me just take a second here to give thanks to my honeywell oscillating tower fan for not only providing my personal soundtrack to the writing of this review, but also for creating an almost habitable home. THANKS HONEYWELL! (honeywell is not a sponsor of mediabreach.com nor its subsidiaries … but if they WANNA be, i’m listening)

THANKS HONEYWELL!

but if it’s sounding like this movie beat me down with what was wrong with it, i’m mischaracterizing. this movie entertained the HELL out of me, and it’s just the bastard inside me that wishes it were perfect. so let me shut that guy up a second.

in essence the whole movie becomes a study in what-ifs. which is of course the bread and butter of science fiction. what if she speaks to john? what if she submits an essay? what if earth 2 is full of people? in a nutshell, this movie is a big fat Recommended. i had a great time watching this flick unfold. it’s a helluva good indie movie that owes a lot to movies like OPEN WATER and THE WRESTLER for it’s visual style – god bless filmmakers who use cameras that the common man can afford! and god bless them when they do it right.

a shout-out to one of our fans:

[watch the video. if you didn't watch the video, this part won't make sense] but of course, that’s not to say that just because our planet and everyone on it is universally inconsequential, that we are insignificant. and of course, that’s not what carl’s saying. (goodreads shoutout…) every person i have ever met is involved in their own great struggle against hunger, against lonliness, against sickness, against hatred, against violence, against inequity. it’s easy to think of those struggles in terms of the universe as unnecessary. what does it matter if africans massacre each other, if the english burn their country down, if earthquakes flatten china, if all elected officials everywhere are lying dirtbags, if football players take steroids, if you never helped someone who needed it, if you never find love? it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t matter. but it’s just as easy to think that if we really are alone in the universe, and there isn’t anyone else anywhere else, then you or i might be the only person in the history of all creation in all the universe of the ever EVER to do, a thing. ANY thing.

would that make it meaningless?

wouldn’t that make you want to do it?