Mar 202012

My name is Christina, and I’m addicted to Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.  I started watching it my junior year of high school, and I’ve been hooked ever since.  Whenever there’s a marathon on USA, I will lie on my bed, knit and watch SVU.  I find that I get vexed whenever USA shows movies on Tuesdays when everyone knows that’s SVU marathon day. I’ve seen the episode where Olivia is on the phone with the little Honduran girl so many times that I can almost sing the song (Remember? La Reyna = Queen). I honestly thought Kathy should have died in that one episode so Olivia and Elliot could finally smoosh and live happily ever after. Plus, I never liked Kathy, mostly because every time I saw her she was pregnant, and if I wanted to see that I would watch the Duggars. That being said, if you aren’t an SVU fan or if you aren’t interested in my thoughts (in which case, bite me), I suggest you focus your attention on David Caruso and The Who sound bytes.

If this is more appealing than my article, please punch yourself in the face.

Last year, I was dealt a huge blow when I discovered that B.D. Wong (Dr. George Huang) would not be returning to the show.  I had just recovered from Casey Novak’s disappearance, and now this? Who’s going to interview children using crayolas? Who’s going to teach me about various psychological conditions? Now I would actually have to read my nursing textbook in order to learn about the emotional roller coaster I was going to go through without him.  The only thing that proved comforting was reading my book as the voice of Dr. Huang.  Yet I wasn’t as upset when I heard that Christopher Meloni (Elliot Stabler) was leaving the show, and I’ll get into that later on in this article.

Obviously, many fans weren’t happy about Elliot Stabler leaving, but I was under the impression that by now everyone would have accepted Danny Pino and Kelli Giddish.  Yet I look on the Facebook page (as is my right as an American citizen) only to discover mind-numbing comments like, “He’ll be back too many ppl dislike the show w/o him . !” A. He’s not coming back because he wanted too much money, B. STFU, and enjoy the Teddy Graham-like appearance of Danny Pino and the Southern charm of Kelli Giddish.

I’d like to think he’d be cinnamon Teddy Grahams.

I appreciate getting to know these characters and seeing them work with the seasoned cast.  I love Amaro’s family life compared to the shit shoot that was dinner at the Stablers’.   If you haven’t been watching it lately, Detective Amaro (played by the oh so adorable Danny Pino) is currently married to a woman who has been deployed to Iran, or Afghanistan, or Iraq. Look, the point is she’s not there with him and their 5-year-old daughter and I don’t feel like looking at Wikipedia. I love that despite being separated, they’re ten times more stable than Kathy and Elliot were, and I actually like their kid too. Seriously, words could not describe how much I fucking hated Elliot’s kids, especially Dickie. It’s also interesting to see Amaro’s transition from hard narcotics detective to the more empathetic SVU detective.  Of course they all start off saying, “Man, this is like, ten times harder than narcotics/homicide/white collar crimes/stealing candy from the candy store crimes,” but eventually they get to that point where they realize that sex crimes is rewarding in the sense that they’ve empowered victims to speak up, to take control of their lives, and also that they put some bastard behind bars majority of the time.  Part of that comes from his interactions with Olivia, who, once the student is now the teacher.  By the way, can I just say that I love that there’s no sexual tension between them? It makes me less anxious and I get to see Harry Connick Jr. more often.

Detective Amanda Rollins (played by Kelli Giddish) has also been quite the surprise this season.  I initially started watching the season thinking, “Man, that precious hunk of man, Danny Pino, is probably going to be the one with the most laundry. I CAN FEEL IT. Kelli’s too All-American for that.” She started off being the tough, Southern gal with balls the size of watermelons; the one who didn’t take any of those perpetrators’ nonsense because in the South nonsense is not taken! Then we discover she gets the crap beaten out of her at a gas station because she’s up to her eyeballs in debt due to her gambling addiction?  THIS. THIS IS WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR. I’m sold.

Sure, Elliot Stabler was on SVU for 1903845729345 seasons, but he became pretty stagnant after awhile.  I get it, you have 5 kids (or 6, I lost count after Dickie); one’s kind of a douche, another has bipolar disorder and was caught showering in a stranger’s bathroom, and no one cares about the others.  Your wife almost left you up until you showed your butt on TV.  You hate perpetrators, which let’s be honest, who doesn’t hate perpetrators? I was honestly getting a little sick of his “I HATE PERPS. I WANT TO PROTECT MY KIDS. I DON’T HAVE ANGER PROBLEMS. *Punches locker door*” schtick.  In fact, I’m fairly certain he should have been canned awhile back because of his anger issues. No one wants to get punched in the face in an interrogation room: especially one that looks like you can get tetanus from looking at the walls. The only thing that really kept me excited about Elliot was the possibility of him and Olivia hooking up at some point, AND IT NEVER HAPPENED. You can make out with Dani Beck, who seriously has the worst accent and hair ever, but you NEVER make out with Olivia? You need to go.

Even SHE can’t believe he didn’t make out with Olivia!

Now we have this fresh crop of characters and everyone is pining for the comfort of Elliot Stabler? Move on already, people.  I’m excited to see how Rollins continues to handle her gambling addiction, and if Kragen will continue to take her under his wing since he has a history of alcohol addiction. I’m also interested to see how Amaro and Olivia will continue to grow in their partnership. Now Lent just needs to hurry up and end so I can resume the position, because Criminal Intent is just not cutting it.

Recent posts by Christina

  • James

    Oh god, that fucking teddy graham pic…everybody at work thinks I’m deranged with laughter.  This is a great article that hammers home that age old argument that I wish more tv show fans would listen too: STFU and let your show evolve if it’s able too, you entitled fucktard.

  • Brandy

     Vincent D’Onofrio is fantastic. Also, I share your opinion. WHAT THE HELL OLIVIA AND ELLIOT?!

    • Christina

      Shit, if Bones and Booth can do it, why can’t they?!

      • Brandy


  • Adam

    I don’t really watch the show, but I agree with the theme of the article here.  

    Unless the show really does suck.  Like that 8 Simple Rules show.  That show was terrible after that one guy died. 

    • James

      David Spade died?

      • Adam

        That would be in the other dimension called “a perfect world”

  • Zack_S

    Well Tink, it seems as though a t.v. cast composed entirely of washed up actors will …. BLEED.

    • James