Cinemapocalypse: The Expendables Part 2

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Aug 102010

So this was what we came for- The Expendables! A movie that promised audiences would be decimated by the shear amount of balls flying about as shrapnel throughout the film. ¬†It was 4:45AM by this point and I don’t have to tell you I was tired. ¬†Hell, after the trio of flicks we had just seen, I could have easily called it a night and gone home. ¬†Then Zack from the Alamo announced that none other than Sylvester Stallone had bought everybody in the auditorium a box of popcorn. ¬†The feast was delivered and the film started. ¬†And from the very first kill, my butt was clenched. ¬†But was it enough to sustain my excitement for a full 90 minutes? ¬†Find out below.

First the plot- The Expendables themselves are a group of mercenaries. ¬†We are introduced to them destroying the lives and will of some Somali pirates aboard a ship. So upfront, we know these guys mean business. ¬†Now here’s where the plot gets a bit murky- a gentleman named “Church” (Bruce Willis) hires Barney (Sylvester Stallone) and his team to visit an island in the gulf to do… something. ¬†I’ll be honest, I really can’t recall what they were supposed to be doing (blame it on the whole “it was fucking 4:45 AM” thing) but Barney and his best good friend Lee (Jason Statham) go to said island, meet a women who Barney has a moment with, and then they leave. ¬†But not before blowing a few things up. ¬†Then nothing happens for about ten minutes, then more shit blows up. ¬†Another ten minutes, then for a solid 30 minutes, shit gets blowed up real good.

That might all sound like a mess and I can’t lie to you- it’s the very definition of a mess. ¬†Character motivations are all over the map, Lee accosts a gentleman playing basketball for a decent yet completely superfluous fight scene (in regards to plot at least), and then there are action scenes that while decently engaging, are nothing more than loud noises. ¬†Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed this movie. ¬†But I didn’t care about anyone at all. ¬†At no point was I concerned about a stray bullet catching Sly and/or his cohorts because quite frankly, and pardon this pun, the characters were expendable. ¬†Maybe that’s the point and I’m being an asshole but read on since there are some things I enjoyed.

And one those things is the AA 12. ¬†What’s an AA12 you ask? ¬†Here’s a quick video (excuse the out of sync audio, it’s not my video)-

So there. ¬†The AA 12 is a colon blower type of weapon you would expect to see in this movie. ¬†And it’s used to great effect by Terry Crews during the climactic sequence. ¬†I’m not going to dedicate more than a few lines here but it was easily my favorite action sequence of the film and a good crowd pleaser as well. ¬†Seeing this thing blow parts off of people was satisfying in a way I didn’t know existed.

Now the other part of this film that makes it worth seeing is actually just a man. ¬†But what a man he is. ¬†Dolph Lundgren gets arguably the most interesting and fleshed out character in the film. ¬†We learn in the opening scene that he’s gone a little nuts. ¬†This is exemplified when he tries to hang a pirate rather than doing the humane thing and shoot him in the face. ¬†Then it is revealed that he has started experimenting with drugs in order to make these mercenary engagements enjoyable. ¬†A whole movie could be made from that last sentence but alas, we’re just given a few rather interesting scenes with the big guy. ¬†I’ll say this though- Lundgren still has something left in the tank and I would pay top dollar to see a JCVD type flick with him starring.

Lundgren and his character were handily my favorite part of the film and the reason I’m giving The Expendables a mild recommendation. ¬†This film is far from perfect but has enough enjoyable action, especially in the final act, that action fans should give it a go. ¬†Is it memorable? ¬†Other than a few noteworthy kills, Lundgren, and the AA 12, not so much. ¬†But it definitely warrants attention.