Ozzy Osbourne – Scream

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Jun 172010
 

I’m going to go ahead and break some bad news to you here: Ozzy should’ve hung it up a long time ago.  I mean, like, after ‘No More Tears’.  Are you one of those brain dead Ozzy fans that refuses to stop clinging to this guy’s completely shattered legacy?  Let me repeat myself: OZZY.  SUCKS.   The man has zero respect for what he’s accomplished in the past and what he’s given to heavy metal fans all over the world.  The second he handed over the keys to the Ozzy kingdom to his wife Sharon, full time, is the very second that he ceased to be relevant and started down a seemingly never-ending path of shame.

Ozzy has a very devoted following.  I’m certain that I’ve angered some of them in the handful of sentences in that first paragraph up there.  I am honestly being as objective as I can here.  I have no agenda of hate against Ozzy Osbourne.  His work with Black Sabbath, as well as his first batch of solo records are absolutely untouchable.  They are the stuff legends are made of, which he most certainly is.  What upsets me is that he’s allowed himself to become a self-parody.  He’s content with continuing to produce records that are clearly just cash grabs.  Ozzy can’t possibly believe that what he’s doing is any good, can he?  When you’re surrounded with a bunch of yes men and perhaps the greediest, most disgustingly controlling marital counterpart in the history of metal, then it’s totally possible for him to actually believe that.

I could really go on forever about this.  I could rant about Sharon Osbourne deciding to re-record bass parts on older albums with cheaper hired guns with the sole intention being screwing the original members out of royalties.  I could piss and moan about his shitty tour that passes through every major city in the summer in which millions of teenagers throw away their parents money in exchange for the privilege to pay $7 (parental money also) for a bottle of water.  I could write 2500 words on why The Osbournes television show did nothing but cause cancer.  I’m not going to do that though.  I don’t have to.  The new album, ‘Scream’ is worse than all of that combined.  If there was ever an album that you should actively seek out in a record store, steal, and take a nice steaming dump on, then this would be it.  Seriously.  When Scream is released, take your ass down to the local Best Buy and commence with the defecation.  If you prefer to obtain your musical content digitally, then load up iTunes and do your thing.  Don’t do it on the family computer though.

So how does this shake out, you ask?  Let me begin with the only positive about it.  The album ENDS with the best track called, ‘I Love You All’.  Don’t get sentimental on me though, the only thing Ozzy really loves is the crack Sharon Osbourne dangles in front of his face to get him to go on stage.   Despite the heaping dose of cheese ’I Love You All’ lays on, it’s actually the best part of the entire album.  It’s Ozzy emulating The Beatles melodically speaking, and he really nails it.  ’For all these years you’ve stood by me/God bless, I love you all’, Ozzy says.  For a moment my hatred almost melted away.  But the damage had already been done.  The album starts with the irony train rolling loudly into fucking town in the form of ’Let it Die’.  ’I’m a rockstar/I’m a diva/I’m a servant/I’m a dealer’.  It’s got a heavy, plodding beat with a sort of electronic padding to it.  Then the chorus hits which features every major chord ever used in a metal chorus.  Did I fail to mention that Zakk Wylde is no longer the guitarist for Ozzy?  I did, didn’t I?  I have my own issues with Mr. Wylde, but there is no doubt he is the only fit for Ozzy.  Remember Down to Earth?  That was the last Zakk-less Ozzy record and it was a certified abomination.

I should clarify.  Down to Earth featured songs written by Zakk, just not performed by.  This album is an entirely different story.  Nothing is written or played by Zakk.  It’s all guitar virtuoso Gus G. doing the work here.  Gus G. is the current guitar player, and he instantly establishes that he has absolutely no musical identity.  Gus has been affiliated with Arch Enemy, Firewind and Dream Evil.  All complete garbage.  I understand that Ozzy wanted something different on this new record, being with Zakk so long.  But this guy?  The charming thing about Zakk Wylde was always the fact that he not only had the talent, but also the riffing chops.  Gus G.  has provided us with, without a doubt, the most generic riffing of any Ozzy album.  It’s flat out shameful.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Ozzy hooks back up with Zakk for the next 37 solo Ozzy records.  Mark my words.

And now we’re onto the title track, ‘Scream’.  Ozzy wants to ‘hear you scream like you want it/let me hear you yell like you mean it’.  Ozzy finally wrote a song (I use the term ‘wrote’ very fucking loosely) centered around how he acts on the stage.  It’s all the man does.  He runs around clapping his hands over his head begging the crowd to scream at him and shower him with praise.  These antics would almost be kind of cute and cuddly and rather endearing if Sharon Osbourne wasn’t offstage with a cattle prod with Ozzy’s name on it waiting to give him a good jolt if he didn’t continue prancing like a fucking idiot.

And just as quickly as the album starts, it’s already over.  The mixture of lame and well-worn territory it covers is enough to drive any metal fan that isn’t mildly retarded crazy.  I’d love to get into the rest of it with you here, but there’s really nothing to get into.  Listen for yourself, I’m not exaggerating here.  The album drones on and on with absolutely no highlights to speak of.  The rest is really a mix of power ballads and stock metal riffing.  It’s the biggest waste of time in the last decade of metal.  I’ve heard all of the scales, I’ve heard all of the progressions, I’ve heard all of the beats and I…..fuck.  This has all been done and it’s frighteningly repetitive.  Let me try and put this thing into perspective for you.  I’d rather listen to any Linkin Park CD on repeat until the day I fucking die than ever hear ’Scream’ again.  There is no redemption here.  It’s pure, unchecked, burning AIDS.

Please stop, Ozzy.

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  • Zack_S

    still, life could be worse. glenn danzig could try to mount a comeback.
    wait…. shit

   
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