Retro Review: Runaway (1984)

Like a lot of folks, when I watch any movie I have a ritual. ¬†Before, during, and/or after the viewing is check out the film’s IMDb page to see what kind of crazy shit is there. ¬†Every once in a while, I hit a gem like this one-

Tom Selleck’s character’s name “Ramsay” is said approximately 52 times in the movie; a little more than once every two minutes.

This would indicate that not only is “Ramsay” said an inordinate amount of times, but some asshole actually sat there and counted the whole movie to see exactly the number of mentions the protagonist received. ¬†Having such a trivial factoid be known typically indicates two things about your movie-

1) We’re about to watch a genre film, in this case action/sci-fi

2) The film could be of questionable quality but there are fan boys abound nonetheless

I believe that both of these things are true for Runaway, a Tom Selleck vehicle from 1984 that was grossly overshadowed by a little film called The Terminator. There were times while watching this movie that just couldn’t believe both films released in the same year. ¬†Yes, both films have horribly synthesized soundtracks and less than optimal special effects. ¬†They also share a glimpse at the future, one apocalyptic the other modestly hopeful. ¬†And of course each film shares a commentary on whether letting machines run our world is such a good idea. ¬†But strangely, only one of these films still feels relevant 26 years later. ¬†Quite frankly, it’s not the one I’m reviewing.

Selleck plays, you can keep count here too, Ramsay. ¬†He’s what you might refer to as a police nerd. ¬†We learn from a pair of early scenes that he is an officer equipped with the skills to keep peace among the robotic community. ¬†Robots have become fully integrated into society, with one even replacing the role of Ramsay’s late wife. ¬†Occasionally though, artificial intelligence goes haywire and causes the droids to run amok. ¬†We get an interesting juxtaposition with the two scenes. ¬†One portrays a runaway corn-shucking robot (humorous), while the other finds a home-use robot held up in its home, threatening to shoot a baby. ¬†We then find out that an evil man named Luther is hell bent on creating weaponized computer chips and selling armies of robots to the world’s foremost military organizations. ¬†Then, as it were with a lot of 80s action films, things get personal!

I tried not to be too cynical in the synopsis paragraph, but this film has a bizarre structure. ¬†First of all, the two scenes I mentioned above easily amount to 20 minutes of screen time and this is prior to the storyline where Luther’s plan really gets cooking. ¬†Even more so, these scenes help to establish that a world running on robots can lead to chaos. ¬†But that argument is basically abandoned in favor of the “crazy wild-eyed dude selling secret shit to the military” plot device. ¬†I guess I was just hoping for something different based on the way things began but it’s much more of a formulaic plot than that. ¬†Editing out the first ten minutes would hardly do much to harm the overall appeal of such a movie. ¬†Hell, it might enhance it enough to balance shit out for me. ¬†But it’s not like someone’s chomping at the bit to re-edit a nearly 30 year old movie.

Gene Simmons can act like these things are a threat, but you and I know better...

Let’s talk about the robots as well. ¬†These aren’t your Terminator or humanoid-type machines. ¬†Most of them are just computer towers equipped with tank treads and hook-hands. ¬†There’s also a group of spider-like robots that spit acid. ¬†The problem is, none of these things are all that menacing. ¬†There’s a sequence towards the end of the film where Ramsay (everyone, take a shot!) is cornered on an open-air elevator by three of the spider robots. ¬†It seems like it would have been pretty easy to just drop kick them off the edge but instead he wallows around and gets acid sprayed in his face. ¬†The whole thing just seems stupid because, again, what threat can there possibly be with a four inch tall metal spider?

This is also one of those movies that I’m sure any aspiring filmmaker watches and just cringes at the thought of trying to predict the technology of the future. ¬†The film is littered with tube televisions (when’s the last time you saw one of those) and stars a dad that knows more about technology than his kid. ¬†Not that this sort of thing isn’t possible, but when your hero is having to shout to his son instructions on how to use an elevator and your movie takes place in a future where every kid can kick my ass at COD, I simply cannot suspend my disbelief enough to get wrapped up in it.

And then there’s the problem of Kirstie Alley. ¬†Now I may be biased due to the loopy Pier 1 commercials she did years back, but holy shit can I not stand some Kirstie Alley. ¬†This was one of her first movies and it’s quite clear, especially during a gag inducing strip scene, that someone was out to make her a star. ¬†Look though, she was in all three Look Who’s Talking movies! ¬†This one is a very personal preference, but I’m just not a fan of Ms. Alley’s. ¬†If you’re not that hung up on such things, you should be ok.

So what did I think? ¬†Did I like it? ¬†Sadly, this one falls just below my recommendation level. ¬†I think that if you saw it back in the 80s you might enjoy it a bit more or have some nostalgia about it. ¬†But watching it in modern times it just doesn’t cut it. ¬†It’s currently available on the Netflix Instant Queue for your viewing pleasure so you really have nothing to lose (save for 100 minutes) if you choose to watch it. ¬†If anything, it’s interesting to see what some folks thought our future held.

Recent posts by Dustin

• SXSW 2012 Reviews: Days 5 and 6 - March 15th, 2012
• SXSW 2012 Reviews: Days 3 and 4 - March 13th, 2012
• SXSW 2012 Reviews: Days 1 and 2 - March 11th, 2012
• Monday Morning Dork Attack: Dublin Dr. Pepper - January 16th, 2012
• Monday Morning Dork Attack: Broken Wii - January 9th, 2012

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz