Jan 272010

The Statute of Limitations on Spoilers

Let me preface this by saying that my thoughts and opinions do not necessarily reflect that of the Media Breach as a whole, but are totally awesome and should be paid attention to as if they were handed down by God himself. Or herself.

If you’ve read a review of anything in the modern age of the internet, then you’ve no doubt noticed that at some point the reviewer, without wanting to sacrifice his or her viewpoint, will need to include some information that might just ruin the movie for those that have not seen it. A spoiler alert, as it’s most commonly referred to, is then utilized to shield your virgin eyes from whatever sensitive nuggets of truth the writer has decided to divulge. It’s up to you whether you want to read it or not. Thus is the beauty of the spoiler alert.

This goes back further than the internet, for sure. I’m reminded of an old Simpsons episode in which Homer exits the theater after watching The Empire Strikes Back and exclaims, SPOILER ALERT “Wow, what an ending! Who woulda thought that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father!” right in front of eager moviegoers waiting in line to see it. What a classic scene and a perfect picture of straight up old school movie spoiling.

As we trudge on through this cosmic ballet (thank you Leonard Nimoy) I’ve come to greatly appreciate, yet also grow intensely weary at the deployment of this technique. As a reader, I am eternally grateful to the writer who saves me from having the end of Gerard Butler’s masterpiece, Gamer (available on DVD and blu-ray) spoiled but as a writer I am increasingly frustrated with being hampered by the very thing I consider sacred. When does the statute of limitations run out on including spoilery material in a review of a movie or a TV show? We all take for granted the fact that we’ve seen Star Wars but how about the 10 year old that’s introduced to it for the first time knowing already that SPOILER ALERT: Darth Vader is Luke’s father?

Star Wars is an obvious example but the reason I’m using it is because I know everyone can relate to the magnitude of a spoiler of that kind. To me, it depends on the movie. Movies like Empire or Planet of the Apes for example have completely merged with pop culture so it’s ludicrous to think that we should all have a neutered discussion about these movies in public for fear of subjecting the innocent to the massive twists in them. So is there a number we can hang on this? Does the passage of time dissolve any notion of a spoiler? Should we all shout from the rooftops that SPOILER ALERT Soylent Green is people and for everyone to just get over it? I’m not looking to establish something officially sanctioned by the Breach, but rather compile feedback. It’s something to think about, which is why I decided to write these thoughts down and pose these questions to you the, reader.

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Zack_S

the old stand-by was if it hadn't been on regular tv yet, keep it hid. but i think now i'm the only person in the woooooooorld without cable. give a year after it goes to video. if you ain't seen it, you ain't tryin.

Alex

I think it's like you said: once it's merged into pop culture.

b-gizzle

I was 12 when I saw Empire for the first time. By then, the phrase "Luke, I am your father" was already thrown around pop culture more times than the word literally. Both of which annoy the hell out of me. Anywho! When I saw the movie I already knew the ending and at the same time didn't understand the gravity of the big twist of said movie. Maybe I would have appreciated it more(or in general) had I seen it with virgin eyes. Same goes for Planet of the Apes. Is it any reviewer's fault? No. I blame my parents for not jumping on the ball and properly raising me to watch the classics.

So the point of this is...I think after 5 years if you haven't actually taken the initiative to watch a movie then any spoiler alert you encounter is your own fault. I'm pretty sure if I really cared about Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their waning marriage or their big "secret" back in 2005 I would have seen it by now. So reviewers feel free to tell me they live happily ever after..it's literally not your problem!

Jesse

As far as reviews go I personally think one can judge and describe most films without having to reveal any substantial twists, but I guess sometimes there are exceptions. However, if anyone ever spoils an episode of Lost for me again I will stab them before they can say "Don't tell me what I can't do!"

James

I'm pleased that you wrote this article as I, a fledgling reviewer on this site, have been having issue with this very topic. In fact, before I turned in the final draft of the Parnassus review, it was super spoiler heavy (as pointed out by the Mrs.) and I didn't even realize that I had wrote it as such. I'm currently having the same issues with No More Heroes review.

However, both Parnassus and, to a lesser degree, NMH have one thing in common: They're both relatively new to public consciousness.

So to attempt to answer your question and using the examples you provided, I think once a film enters the vast subconscious realm of public awareness, all bets are off. The likely hood of a grown person not having seen Star Wars, Planet of the Apes, Soylent Green or 2001: Space Odyssey (which I haven't seen but I know HAL's a fucktard. See? Vast Subconsciousness) is pretty slim in this day and age. Besides, kids, really, the only major group that populates this pool of film virgins, are usually looked out for in that respect. I can't remember an instance where an adult purposely spoiled Star Wars for a kid. I mean, I might do it if the kid's an asshole but only then.

So there you go. IMO, an iconic, super-popular film's got about 20-30 years of good, clean, spoiler-free discourse in public and if by then you haven't seen it, stop living under a rock. On the flipside, if the film's new or has had little exposure over the years, holding back, as a reviewer, isn't going to kill you; don't be a dick. And yes, Inigo Montoya got his revenge and was satisfied by it. <-Dick.

Dustin

Personally, I feel that if something was released within the last 2-5 years, spoilers should be protected. Beyond that point, either you've found out or you just don't really care. That being said, nothing was cooler than seeing Psycho for the first time about 10 years ago and being blown away by the twist.

Man, now I've confused myself! I don't know where I stand...

James

I dunno, man. If I didn't know you at all and I spoiled Psycho for you by accident, I can't say I'd feel bad.

Dustin

I can totally understand that, lol. A 50 year old movie is hard to keep a secret.

desireerose

well, reviews of new movies shouldn't spoil the main events of said movie. Then why go see the movie if you already know what happens? Of course you could argue that it's all the in between moments of a flick that make it worth while. I remember a conversation Zack and I had just last week while at a book store. We read the back of a Dan Simmons book to get a feel for the story except after reading it, it completely gave away all the major events which were frankly disappointing and spoiled the fun of discovering everything while reading it. When I wrote my review for Nine it was difficult to not give too much away because of all that I wanted to talk about. I mean, how do you write a good review of something if you can't talk about the major themes? It's definitely a fine line that you have to walk and I think it's necessary. But seriously, next time I meet someone and they haven't watched season 4 of Dexter? I think I'll scream. ;)